Dealing with my Stepson?

I'm remarried with a 8 year old son and an 8 year old stepson. While my own son is healthy, articulated, goodlooking and growing up into a fine young man, my stepson has severe enzema, asthmatic, buck teeth from thumb sucking, chronic allergies and a notable lisp. While I feel that I'm the best dad that I can be, my wife is constantly observing my treatment of "Our sons" Don't get me wrong, I love them both but is it possible to love my stepson "More" than my own son. Lastly, my stepson's father doesn't particpate in his life and I have been a "father" to him, teaching him about sports, life and family. My stepson occassionally misbehaves in school, eats extra meals at lunchtime and looses everthing from homework to video games...I'm I on the wrong track?

Dealing with my Stepson?
it must feel nice to have the pretty kid huh? grow the hell up...you picked your wife knowing she has a kid. I cant believe you're sitting here complaing that hes not hansdom enough for you! Maybe he does get into trouble once in a while but maybe its cause he dosen't have his real father! As for the thumb sucking and buck teeth thats yours and his mothers fault. Make him stop sucking his thumb and buy him some braces when hes a lil older!!!
Reply:It sounds like you're doing the right thing by standing in there and being a "father" to your step-son. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Not enough people do that.





What you might be feeling ( all my free advice comes from watching too much Dr. Phil, so take this with a grain of salt ) is somesort of sympathy for your step-son. He's not like your biological son at all, and you're feeling abd about it. You want to do something to help him. Does that sound about right? It's not that you love one more than the other. You love one DIFFERENTLY from the other.





As for the misbahaving at school, have you sat down with him and tried to get to the root of his problems?








Hope some small bit of this helps.
Reply:My aunt (by marriage) went through something similar when she married my uncle, who has a daughter from a previous marriage, who has Down Syndrome. They went on to have two more children who are not impaired in any way, and I know that it was difficult for her to balance the emotions of the step-mom/biological mom issue. You should cut yourself some slack by realizing that you do love your sons differently, but you need to stop comparing them. Your stepson's physical attributes will likely sort themselves out as he grows up and grows into them, and right now he needs you in his life as a positive male role model, so you should make plans to hang out with him, just the two of you, while your wife hangs out with your biological son.
Reply:How long did you two date? Been Married?





This kids problems can all be solved with a few simple, long term parenting tips.





Help, stepsonny get his room and things organized. Show him where everything belongs and have him put things away. Make a checklist for the things that he needs in his back pack and doesn't--this isn't rocket science, this is you and mom being lazy and irresponsible. Honestly, are there two 8 year olds of 4 living in that house.





Make a detailed chart of chores that need to be done and enforce rewards and punishments on BOTH boys that means the very charming princeling and the very lovable oogle-duckling.





As for his eczema get him some creams and try switching laundry and bath soaps for him. Put any bad habits that both boys have in their behaviral charts, and deduct each time you and mom catch them. Add one point for every day that you haven't seen them engaging in this bad behavior.





The rewards can be anything--getting extra gaming time, an extra scoop of icecream, being allowed to pick the movie that the family goes out to...


Punishments need to be things like having privileges revoked, if step son is losing his homework, revoke play time and have him clean up until he finds it. Or write an apology to his teacher and YOU go with him to deliver it.





Work out some activities that the two boys can do together that they will BOTH enjoy. Get stepson an inhaler, and keep his check ups regularly. Teach the "Good son"--since you seem to feel that way--the importance of compassion and looking out for his brother. In a few years you will probably have to shell out the cash for braces x2.








For the record, I sucked my thumb til I was 5--my parents fought me for a year about that habit, but I'm still biting my nails. I have attopic dermatitis--a form of eczema. I have extremely sensitive skin. Large slightly crooked front teeth and an over bite. Plus, I developed chronic allergies after having lived my whole life in the florida country side, at the age of 11. I spend about five months a year wheezing and taking benadryll. I also had a thick lisp that made most of my speech incomprehensible to all but my closest family until I was 61/2.








The lisp is something that will change with time and about twenty minutes of practice a day. Have him read aloud and tackle specific sylables in three day shifts--I had a severe lisp when I was young. My dad worked with me. The sessions were frustrating and often times I got upset and wanted to quit. But even my siblings and friends helped me during playtime, by just correcting my "T" and "sh" sounds. It took about three months, but now at 17 my lisp is very slight and few people can detect it.





It'll probably decrease over the years as the form of his jaw, size of his toungue and framing of his teeth change, but he still needs someone to coach him on exercising the throat muscles needed to make all 44 base sounds in the english language.





Also it would be good to do some research on all your stepson ailments and make a travel kit to aid any inflation of said ailments to keep in the car. Teach both boys how to use the kits and make sure that everyone understande that they aren't toys.





Also, make a family experiment out of seeing what foods can be added or subtracted from the households diet for a week and the effect that the altered meals has on everyone.





Spend a day alone with each boy. Do what ever it is that they want to do. If stepson wants to go; golf, fish, view an exhibit or play at an arcade or playground. Then do it, no complaints or negative things to say.


Then do the same with your son, dont discuss the previous days events but do what ever it is that the child wants.


Have each boy right a summary of their day.


Get together once a month with both boys to do something nice for someone else. Go volunteer at the hospitals, local shelters, clean up the house for mom. Make dinner or clean the bathroom.





Teach them both compassion for others and that they should be grateful.
Reply:it sucks that he has asthma, cause you could train him to be better at sports, it would probably be hard on his self esteem if his brother is better at him in everyway, which is how you described it, i would suggest getting your stepson very into school, that way he will atleast have something useful, so be very strict with his school work so he can go to a good college and get rich, im serious, also have him do recycling or something durring high school so he can get something good on his college resume, once he is 18 he isnt under your control, unfortunately he wont be good at sports with his medical conditions, otherwisei would say help him in that area, you want him to have confidence
Reply:I hope I am sensing your condition correctly. I hope you are more out going with your stepson than your son. If this is the case, GOOD: From what you say, your stepson needs to know that someone (close at hand) is pulling for his success. The various conditions that your stepson have, can be over come with time. The big fear is poor mental outlook, lack of self- esteem.





Although, your actions will cause stress with your son, the growing of the family as a whole is the most important thing that you will have to do. Your stepsons way-ward actions need to be put in check. Misbehaving in school, eating that is not advised, and failure to attend to homework or personally owned equipment is all signs of someone who is acting out. DON'T BE A PATSY - Your stepson needs you to say (NO - ENOUGH - THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE).





He may want to please you and his mother, but he needs to know when he goes out of bounds.



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